Missionary’s Downfall

Summer’s just around the corner (depending on where you live….) so I am recommending this amazing tropical treat: the Missionary’s Downfall
This drink was originally invented in the late 30’s by Don the Beachcomber, and we can’t thank him enough for that.

I am always too lazy to use my blender, so I made adjustments for people who are equally lazy.  Here, I present two different ways to make this rum-based super drink.
One needs a blender. One does not.

Real version with a blender:
1oz light rum (Puerto Rican rum works best, if you can get ahold of it)
1oz peach liqueur
1/2 oz lime juice (best if freshly juiced…. but who has time for that? I use bottled stuff)
1/2oz honey
2oz fresh, ripe pineapple
5 fresh mint leaves (is a lot of mint, you might want to tone it down)
6oz cracked ice.

Blenderize all ingredients on high until it’s like a cup of green snow.

downfall

Blender-less, lazy method:
Mint leaves, muddled
1oz Light rum
1oz Peach liqueur
2oz Pineapple juice
1/2oz Lime juice
Ice, ice, ice
Fill glass with soda water

This is a perfect summer drink for ten thousand reasons.
Just drink it.
You will love it.
Even if you make it the lazy way.
I promise.

It’s light and refreshing and impossible to share – I don’t care who says it’s a drink that serves two, get your own damned drink.

Please note: Half the reason I love this drink is because of the name.

hawaiinei

If you like my drink recipes, you can jump to the others right here:

The Mai Tai

Vegan Bailey’s

Caesar

My Perfect Cocktail

The Picnic

 

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Eye zappin’

eyebulbs
As you may recall, I had to go for additional eye testing after a routine exam:

http://tastyturntable.com/2014/12/09/optical/

The results are in, and I do have to get laser eye surgery.

I have what is known as Narrow Anterior Chamber Angles. That’s fancy doctor talk for small eye holes.

Basically, the tiny holes in my eyes to drain the ocular fluid are at risk of being blocked due to my iris plateau. This is a common condition in people who are far sighted (such as myself).

In this condition, the iris is attached to the ciliary body too close to the trabecular meshwork, where drainage occurs. When the pupil dilates, the peripheral iris tissue bunches up in the drainage angle and can cover up the trabecular meshwork, causing pressure in the eye to rise quickly.

Beyond the Iris Plateau, I have other issues that compound the problem:

  • Age. As we grow older, the lens inside our eyes gets larger, increasing the risk for pupil block. Also, the anterior chamber tends to become increasingly shallow, and the drainage angle may narrow as we age. (regular talk: the eye holes get smaller as you get older). The majority of people affected by this condition are senior citizens.
  • Sex. Among Caucasians, angle-closure glaucoma occurs three times more frequently in women than in men.

Because of this I need to get a Peripheral Iridotomy (LPI).

The  entire Peripheral Iridotomy procedure takes only 15 minutes with the actual laser part only taking a few seconds. The doctor will laser a teeny hole in the top-centre of each iris.
He bragged that he does one of these procedures nearly each day.
Well, I’m glad it’s not a big deal for him. He also promised to make the holes small because I am young.
Thanks….? Does he usually gouge giant craters into the eyes of his senior patients?

The issue and the solution all make logical sense to me, but I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of preventative surgery, in general.
Hey, there’s nothing at all wrong with you, you’re perfectly healthy. So you need to get this surgery.

So, what if I don’t get the surgery? What if I say:
No, thanks. My eyebulbs feel fine and I don’t want you poking them with lasers.

Well then, I am at a pretty big risk for developing Acute Glaucoma.

Acute narrow-angle glaucoma occurs suddenly, when the iris is pushed or pulled forward. This causes blockage of the drainage angle of the eye, where the trabecular meshwork allows outflow of fluids.
When internal eye structures are blocked in this way, the eye’s internal pressure may spike and possibly damage the optic nerve.
Possible symptoms include: eye pain, headaches, halos around lights, dilated pupils, vision loss, red eyes, nausea and vomiting.
Acute angle-closure glaucoma is a medical emergency. If the high eye pressure is not reduced within hours, it can cause permanent vision loss.

Minor, preventative surgery sure sounds like a good idea when the alternative is blindness.

I am really disappointed that I have to get the surgery. I was certain they would say “hey everything looks great no need to come back, ever”.

Unfortunately, they said the opposite of that.

But there are few upsides:

1- the surgery is free because it’s considered medically necessary. Thanks for all the universal healthcare, Canada!

2- The chances of me getting acute glaucoma after the operation will be virtually impossible.

3- I won’t randomly go blind one day.

4- This is an ultra minor procedure.

Though this is one of the most minor surgeries ever. I am still stressed out, so wish me luck.
Hopefully I won’t be in the small percentage of people who have lasting side effects from the procedure (10%> of people report a glare or ghosting that lasts for months).

If you like doctor talk and want to learn more about this condition which affects approximately 0.01% of the population check it out here:

http://www.patient.co.uk/health/acute-angle-closure-glaucoma

and you can learn more about the surgery here:

http://www.brightfocus.org/glaucoma/brightfocus-insights/peripheral-iridotomy.html

Here’s a (non-gross) pic of what my eyes will be looking like afterwards:

laser_iridotomy

If you are grossed out easily, don’t google Acute Angle Closure Glaucoma.

Love,
Lynn!

————-

Update:

Surgery complete!

According to the surgeon, it was a success.

According to me, it was surprisingly painful. For some reason I wasn’t expecting that… but I was getting a hole pinched into my eyeballs – and that’s exactly how it felt.

I do not recommend getting this procedure just for fun.

My vision was compromised for the day and my eyes ached for about 12 hours. But now all is good, and with the exception of no heaving lifting or exercise for the next week, I am 100% awesome.

 

 

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Dogs with jobs: Sniffin’ for a livin’

My building is being inspected for bed bugs. And the service hired is using dogs to do the detecting!

This means 2 things:
1- I am super excited to see the dogs – so I have plans to be home even though we were specifically instructed to vacate during the inspection.
2- I am going to try to pet the dogs, even though your are not supposed to pet working dogs.

I not only love dogs. I love, love, love when dogs have jobs.
It is so cool! Especially when they wear little uniforms. Eeeeee!

Diabetes Dogs

Sheriff dog
Customs

K9 unit

But all cuteness aside, I think it’s amazing what dogs can be trained to do. And it’s wonderful how happy and motivated they are to be working. They are totally top workers. And they do it all just for pats and treats. Plus, no one freaks out about it like they do with child slave labour.

It’s also healthy for some types of doggies to be working. Many working breeds are left alone at home which leads to boredom and frustration. This is frequently the cause of dogs being agitated and snappy as well as destroying everything you own while you are at work.

If you come home to a scene like this:

Destructo!

This:

oh my!

Or this:

torncouch

you might not have the ideal breed for your lifestyle.

Some breeds benefit from working out their brains as a seeing eye dog, herding dog, compassion dog, rescue dog, or police dog, among others.

But some breeds are used for detection.
Detection Dogs are extra cool because they are so diverse! Dogs are used for the purposes of finding a diverse array of species, including caribou, ferret, killer whales, frogs, mussels, bees, and turtles.

But it’s not just animals!

Detection dogs have been trained to search for many things, both animate and inanimate:

Endangered animal species like bumblebee nests
Invasive species
Human remains
Crime evidence
Fire accelerants (to determine arson in fires)
Currency
Drugs
Explosives
Firearms
Mobile phones (as contraband in prisons)
Mold
Plants, animals, produce, and agricultural items (used by customs services)
Polycarbonate optical discs (bootleg DVDs)
Termites
Bed bugs
Cancer
Hypoglycemic emergencies in humans

Detection dogs have emerged as a valuable tool for wildlife biologists. The dogs can help in so many ways!

Dogs are trained to detect certain types of invasive species on boats.

Spaniels have been trained to find bumblebee nests.

Detection dogs are able to discern individual scents even when the scents are combined or masked by other odors. So if you think you can hide your weed at the border in a container of coffee, you better think again!

A sniffer dog can detect blood even if it has been scrubbed off surfaces, which makes them top detective doggies!


So, why did our building choose to use dogs to snuff out bed bugs?

Because there has been an increased focus on green pest management, thus, bed bug detection dogs are gaining popularity.
Dogs are a safer alternative to pesticide use.
If operators can find out exactly where bed bugs are located, they can minimize the area that needs to be sprayed.

Sniffer dogs have a 97.5% correct positive indication rate on detecting bed bugs with zero false positives – AND they can distinguishing bed bugs from carpenter ants, cockroaches, and termites. Dogs smell in parts per trillion and can detect bed bugs even as mere eggs.

Bed bug detection is complicated by the fact that the insects can hide almost anywhere. But detection dogs solve this issue because they are small and agile, finding bugs in places humans cannot such as wall voids, crevices and furniture gaps.

So, dogs are loyal and loving, but also ultra useful, hardworking, and all around awesome!

And the best part of all?
I did get to pet the bed bug doggies in the end! ….And we don’t have bed bugs.

BEST DAY EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

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Caramel Melts

A super simple snack to make when you need (need!) a pan of sweet treats.

ingredients

You will need:

1/2c butter
2c brown sugar
dash of vanilla
2 eggs
1 and 1/2c flour

You will also need: an hour, a bowl, a spoon, an oven, a pan, and at least one arm (or a very resourceful foot).

Instructions:

Melt butter and blend with brown sugar
Mix eggs, vanilla, and flour into the butter mixture.
Pour into a greased 8″ square pan.
Bake at 350 for 35-40 mins.

I don’t know how aptly this is named, because there’s no caramel and the only thing melted is the butter… but Hawaii’s a funny place. So who knows why.

Anyway this is simple to create and tasty to ingest.

My biggest challenge was smashing all the lumps out of my rock of brown sugar. I didn’t get it all finely ground – but the little lumps left melted sugar pockets in the finished product – which were delicious! So don’t worry if there are a few small sugar lumps throughout. The mixture doesn’t have to be entirely smooth.

lumps!

The flavour of this dessert is quite mild so it will go nicely with all sorts of teas and coffees. As well as appealing to vast range of picky eaters and fuss pots.

I found this first attempt to be a little bland – so going forward I will be applying a tasty topping, such as icing or cookie butter!…and a few chocolate chips sprinkled into the mixture couldn’t hurt.

delicious

Enjoy!

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Perpetually In: The Breton Stripe

I recently found myself trying to convince someone that stripes are not going to go out of style any time soon.

I mean, seriously? The breton stripe has been a fairly common pattern for over 150 years in the context of the navy and prisoners. But it has been fashionably popular for nearly 100 years (since Coco Chanel brought the style into her nautical collection in 1917).

Picasso was rocking striped shirts in the late 1800’s. James Dean. Audrey Hepburn. There are innumerable examples of the Breton stripe in our icon’s closets, no matter the decade. As well as our own closets. Mine is full of stripes. Tank top, t-shirts, socks, and sweaters.

Some variation of stripes is always in fashion…. be it vertical, animal print, or the forever popular horizontal.
Who among us could dispute it’s resilience in the fashion world?

If you are going to make the foolish comment that stripes “might be out next year”, you might as well doubt the staying power of the tuxedo or the little black dress.

Stripes are here to stay.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

breton-icons

 

Here is a snapshot of my wardrobe, because when I’m wearing stripes I just feel as though I can run really really fast.

 

 

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Baby passports

Things aren’t as simple as they used to be…. no more adding your kids onto your passport. As of about 10 years ago kids (and babies) need to have their very own passports to cross borders.

At first the idea of getting a passport for my baby seemed fully impossible.
It’s recommended that you wait until your child can sit up on their own. But my fatso was still all roly-poly at 5 months. So when I sat him up, he tended to tip over sideways or flop onto his tummy.
But we needed to get started on applying for the passport so we could get to all sorts of important places!

I began by reading the guidelines for the photo which states the child basically has to meet the same requirements as adults. Be sitting, facing the camera full on with mouth closed and eyes open. And no head tilting.

I thought:
This.
Will.
Never.
Happen.
I will have to take ONE HUNDRED MILLION photos of this wiggly little monkey to get this right.

Fortunately, the rules for babies are actually pretty lax.
It was a-ok for me to hold the baby up and they just covered my hands with some fabric. So it looks like the baby’s wearing a toga. But he didn’t seem to mind sporting this attire. He will be a fancy international baby soon enough, anyway.

And it only took 2 tries before we got a pic that was possibly acceptable.

I thought it was not going to be approved because there is a shadow on his neck, but the photographer assured me it doesn’t interfere with facial recognition so it would be approved. Even though the requirements state: There must be no shadows on the face or shoulders, around the ears or in the background.
Okay, it didn’t specifically mention “neck”. But the passport office isn’t exactly known for their easy-going leniency.

I argued with the photographer for a couple minutes before he made it very clear he wasn’t going to re-take the photos and he was just trying to get rid of me.

Well, I guess you can only expect a certain level of professionalism from Sears.

The photographer told me I could have the photos re-done for free if they were denied.
Cooooool. Why would I go back to the place that did it wrong the first time around?
Thanks, Sears! I won’t be back any time soon.
Enjoy going out of business!

I got back home with my questionable photos and started reading the requirements for the forms. And they say the baby needs a guarantor.
That confused me.
No one has known my baby for 2 years, he hasn’t existed that long.
Either these rules make no sense. Or I was sleep deprived.
It was probably the latter, but possibly both.

However, once I actually filled out the forms, which is easy (unless it’s impossible to properly spell your own child’s stupidly long name…..), I understood that the other parent can be the guarantor, if they have a passport.
Sweet!

Once I made it to the passport office, the agent told me shadows and mediocre pictures don’t matter because babies aren’t subject to the facial recognition system.

So this was totally approved:

IMG_3969

And it turns out baby passports are only $57.
FIFTY-SEVEN!

Such a deal! And totally understandable since newborns don’t really need an in-depth security background check.

On a related note, if you’re driving across the border, your baby only needs a long form birth certificate. So save yourself $57 by going for a drive!

Sadly, we can’t drive to Hawaii, so a passport is a must.

After a lot of stressing, we have achieved passport success. It wasn’t nearly as tricky as I thought it would be. The hardest part was fitting Koa’s 34 letter name in those tiny boxes on the forms.
I also kept spelling his second middle name wrong.
I probably went through like sets of 6 forms.

But it was totally worth it. And we got the passport in less than 2 weeks. Fantastic!
Look how stoked he is to be an international travel baby!

IMG_4030

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Drinking buddies and babysitters

Why does being a mom seem so… familiar?

Like any healthy young North American, I have had my fair share of hanging out with drunk idiots at parties.
And there are SO many parallels between taking care of a baby and taking care of a drunk friend.
That’s why.
Seriously.

Let’s review:

He is always slurring, mumbling, or yelling incoherently. Nevertheless, he demands to be included in every conversation even though he has nothing of import to say. Nor can anyone understand him.

He can’t control any of his bodily functions. He is always drooling or barfing on himself. Or peeing or pooing at inopportune times. And spitting.
All the spitting.

He wants to eat everything. Especially if it’s what you are trying to eat. And he doesn’t even care if he found his food on the ground. Plus, he can’t seem to grasp the use of utensils. So he is just jamming it into his mouth with his hands.
But his coordinations sucks, so he smears the food all over his face. Then he tries to talk with his mouth full and he sprays it everywhere!

He has terrible balance so walking is totally impossible. He is always falling over. Even when he is just sitting, he still manages to fall over for no reason at all.
He basically would rather just roll around on the ground. And I always end up carrying or dragging him wherever we need to go.

He never has any money and expects me to pay for everything!

He never seems to have any idea where we are supposed to be, when we should be there, or how we are going to get there.

He is super temperamental and sensitive. He is always crying over ever little thing. Or getting super angry and yelling. But he is always always WAY too in love with his besties and trying to hug and kiss them.

He demands your attention at all times. He will yell incessantly until he gets it.

He gets bored easily and is somehow always getting into trouble. If you leaver him alone for 5 seconds he will be naked, covered in barf, crying, and probably have fallen down and hit his head.

And last, but not least…. he drinks until he passes out.

Do you see what I mean?
I could very well be describing your totally plastered friend at the end of the night.

But of course, all this is forgivable because he is one of the coolest people. And we’re best friends.

And that’s why I’m a pro mom. Because I already had all the practice.

Here’s my bestie at the start of the evening….

BabyBond

And here he is by the end….

More cereal, please!

Posted in drink, tips | 2 Comments

Start a resolution

I just realized New Year’s is coming up fast and I have no plans.
I also have no resolutions.

Traditionally, my past resolutions have been:

1- to keep being awesome
2- to not get any haircuts

I like both of these because they require little and/or no effort on my part and they are free. All I have to do is not suck and refrain from letting someone take scissors to my hair. But, admittedly, those are not actually resolutions that better myself or the world.

Alan has inspired me to try harder and think of something worthwhile.
Last year he resolved to actually appreciate the nice days in autumn.
This is fantastic for a few reasons:

1- very little effort is involved to meet the resolved goal.
2- you don’t have to do anything for the first 9 months of the year.
3- It is actually a positive goal.

Alan is putting a positive spin on the way he views the world.
In the past, he has scoffed at nice days in late autumn thinking ‘minus 20 degrees and a foot of snow is right around the corner’.
So, instead of wasting autumn by dreading upcoming winter, he has decided to appreciate what he has right now instead of worrying about the inevitable.

What a smart guy, aways finding the ol’ silver lining.

New Year’s resolutions have a super high rate of failure so I don’t want to be silly and say I’m going to climb Kilimanjaro or be the next Mother Theresa or anything nuts.
But maybe I’ll resolve to surf more this year. I went surfing a total of zero times last year.
Which is completely unacceptable.
Or maybe I’ll go to the dentist for a change. Is that a resolution? I’ll be bettering my teeth. Does that count?

Then again, I might just stick with my regular commitment to staying totally awesome. It’s been working pretty well for me so far.

You ever know when inspiration will strike. I still have 2 days to come up with something good.

calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutions

And if you need inspiration for something actually do-able… here is the perfect list of resolution ideas for you!

 

Posted in APB, self help | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

The pains of being a Canadian shopper

With Christmas rapidly approaching, I was all set to buy my favourite auntie one of her favourite items – the fantastic Aveda Caribbean Therapy Body Cleanser.

Therapy

I usually get it from Nordstroms because they have free shipping. But sadly, Nordstroms was out of stock so I had to come up with a new plan.

I tried Amazon, but unfortunately the Canadian version of Amazon super sucks and the Aveda Caribbean Therapy Body Cleanser was priced at $67.74… nearly three times the regular price.

So I decided to check out Amazon.com, but the shipping would have ended up costing just as much as the product, if not more.

I finally had the genius idea to buy it from Aveda’s actual website. The US site had a good price, free shipping, and free bonus samples.
So I quickly placed my order and felt great that I scored a deal.

Or, so I thought.

It turns out my order was cancelled because you can’t use an international billing address on the Aveda website.
Even though I was using a US shipping address. Weird, right? I mean, who cares where they get their money from?
Apparently Aveda does.
I tried calling them for support. The “helpful” customer service rep did the “Oh, sorry it has to be a US billing address”. But she didn’t explain why or attempt to help me in the slightest.
Why do they even have a customer service line? At least give me some sort of alternative. But no, she just sort of waited awkwardly until I hung up out of frustration.

I decided to go ahead and buy the cleanser through Aveda’s Canadian website even though the product was 30% more expensive and they did not offer free shipping.
I input all my info to find out they wouldn’t ship to the US. So I would have to pay to have it shipped to me, then I would have to ship it to my auntie in the states, thereby paying to ship it twice.
This option sucked for obvious reasons. I still would have went for it, except with xmas fast approaching, I didn’t think it would get to her in time.

Okay. The US site won’t allow a Canadian billing address, and the Canadian site won’t ship to the US….so…?
Who designed this stupid company? Doesn’t Aveda know segregation is so passé?

By this point I knew I would have to go the old school route. And actually venture out to find the product.
Of course, it had just snowed the day before and it was the Saturday after Black Friday. Neither of those made for an ideal shopping day, but I braved going out to the nearest mall in hopes of finding the cleanser.

The first store I inquired at went something like this:
L: Hello, do you carry the Aveda Caribbean Therapy Body Cleanser?
Yes, we have Aveda.
L: Um, that’s nice. I’m looking for the Caribbean Therapy Body Cleanser.
The cleaner?
L:Cleanser.
Cleaner?
L:The BODY CLEANSER.
Let me check
(waiting, waiting, waiting)
Yes, we carry it.
L:Great! I’ll take one.
Oh, it’s out of stock right now.

Wow, thank you. That exchange was a very interesting use of both my time and hers.

The second store I went to had plenty in stock.
And it was on sale.
And I didn’t have to wait in line.
And the sale people were polite, efficient, and helpful.

Good job Ecotique! You actually improved my holiday shopping experience. Which is apparently impossible for everyone else.

Lesson learned, shopping online is not always the greatest. I will never try to use the Aveda website ever again.

I hope my auntie loves her cleanser.

A LOT

Cleanser

Posted in Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments