xmas dinner

So your favorite boy invites you to his parents house for xmas dinner. What’s a girl to do? Sure it will be awkward – but you really like him, you don’t have any family dinner of your own to go to….and you weren’t swift enough to come up with an excuse. So looks like you’re going to dinner!

Now…not sure if you’re supposed to bring presents, dress up, or if he even told them he’s bringing you. Yay! Excitement all around! Also you’re gonna just have to clench that jaw and not look surprised no matter how he introduces you.

Anyway – you had a whole 36 hours to get your act together but you messed it all up and now you have 1 hour to get out to the store on Christmas eve and find a hostess gift for his mom….but she doesn’t drink and you can’t even find a fucking candle that’s not totally lame.  So… she gets nothing. Perfect first impression. The point is: she doesn’t know that you know you were supposed to bring a hostess gift – so you maybe don’t look like as much of a douchebag as you feared.

Now you’re trying to get ready without being panicky or calling him to cancel – you’re out of the shower and blow drying your hair when power goes out. Awesome. Getting dressed in the dark will no doubt bring about professional and poised results. Can’t wait to see what you “decided” to wear once you get to their house.

As you start to think back about where you went wrong…. you realize that being hella hungover today maybe isn’t helping. You also note that the perfect solution to a burning hot upset hungover stomach may not have been salsa and hot sauce and tacos…twice today. Well, your time machine is nowhere to be found so you’ll just have to deal with your bad decisions.

He picks you up and is clearly nervous for you. On the way there he warns you that his mom and sister are fighting. And he’s already apologizing…..for everything. This doesn’t seem to be a good sign. But maybe he’s just being cautious. Like you are when you warn everyone that your entire family is totally mental before they come over to your house for the first time. Fair enough. Let’s give this thing a chance. Do not ask him to turn around and take you home. Do not ask him to turn around and take you home. Do not…….

You pull up to a house with a huge nativity scene set up in the front yard. And your nerves are rocking. But everyone on the planet is more religious than you so….yeah settle down! You know damn well CHRISTmas can be a delicate time and subject no matter who’s house you’re going to spend it at.

You arrive and there are like 30 people there. WTF? And they like eachother. Seriously. They are together because they want to be and they are warm and fun and friendly and it’s lovely. This is not the uncomfortable semi formal sit down dinner with awkward convo you were expecting. Maybe snide comments and coldly silent dinners are only how white people celebrate important holidays. Yewwwwww! Three cheers for diversity! And hope springs for the possibility of an enjoyable Christmas once again in this lifetime.

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Baileys

vegan baileys

Guess what I came across today? That’s right, a recipe for vegan Baileys! I’m hella excited…’tis the season and all, and nothing’s more festive than cooking up some Baileys on Christmas! Well, the Christmas card I got saying “sorry to hear your marriage didn’t work out” is a close second. Now that the holiday spirit is alive in your heart….let’s get cooking!

You’ll need:

–2 cups of coconut cream. You can use regular cream if you’re gross and hate animals and/or coconuts and are lucky enough not to get an upset stomach from dairy.

–1 tsp cocoa … but I use a tbsp to make it hella chocolatey – YUM!

–1/2 cup sugar

–1 tbsp vanilla

–1 cup coffee.
Baileys doesn’t actually have any coffee in it, but I have a passion for coffee!
If you’re scared, you can use decaf.

–1 cup of cheap ass whiskey. I recommend Gibson’s Finest. 
Is Gibson’s finest vegan? Probably….if isn’t Jameson’s is. You will be safe with Jameson’s, for sure.

Mix up the creamer, sugar, cocoa, coffee, and vanilla in a pot and simmer it up. But not too much! Just a gentle low simmer. Stir it a bit to make sure the sugar dissolves….dissipates? Whatever.
Do that for a bit. When it’s all tasty and delicious after a few minutes (maybe 10….15) remove from heat and leave to cool.

Once it’s cooled down mix in the whiskey….a cup…at least. Having stronger Baileys is okay because it’s only like 15% and who’s gonna get drunk off that?

If you hate this drink, please blame Carly Potter Mucha. I got the recipe from her.

But if you love it and are amazed: you can thank Carly Potter Mucha. That girl is an inspiration.

 

 

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Let’s try this again…..

I don’t think my blog I’m Leaving cleared up the reasons behind my move to anyone. So I’ll try this. Ever seen Castles in the Sky? Sure you have. It’s Taylor Steele’s prettiest and most poetic movie. I probably made you watch it last time you came over. Here’s the complete narrative from the film.

Unstuck in The World

There was once a man who became unstuck in the world – he realized that he was not his car, he realized that he was not his job, he was not his phone, his desk or his shoes. Like a boat cut from its anchor, he’d begin to drift.
There was once a man who became unstuck in the world – he took the wind for a map, he took the sky for a clock, and he set off with no destination. He was never lost.
There once was a man who became unstuck in the world – instead of hooks or a net, he threw himself into the sea. He was never thirsty.
There was once a man who became unstuck in the world – with a Polaroid camera he made pictures of all the people he met, and then he gave all the pictures away. He would never forget their faces.
There was once a man who became unstuck in the world – and each person he met became a little less stuck themselves. He traveled only with himself and he was never alone.
There was once a man who’d become unstuck in the world – and he traveled around like a leaf in the wind until he reached the place where he started out. His car, his job, his phone, his shoes – everything was right where he’d left it. Nothing had changed, and yet he felt excited to have arrived here – as if this were the place he’d been going all along.
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I have been carrying this poem around in my head and my heart for the last two years. Does that help you understand why I’m going?
Here’s a clip. The part with Craig Anderson (rad) put to the song Miles Away by Years Around the Sun (hella rad).
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Coconut Muffins

After my mango bread recipe was met with EXTREME success. I decided to try out another tropical treat. Welcome to: COCONUT MUFFINS! Hawaii’s state muffin.

Haven’t you ever baked muffins before? It’s easy.

Sift together:

1 and 3/4 c flour

1/2 c coconut sugar (brown works too)

3 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

some cinnamon…you know a couple dashes

in separate bowl combine:

2 eggs

2/3 c coconut milk (you can substitute another kind of milk…I recommend almond)

1/3 c coconut butter (can use regular butter or earth balance fake butter)

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/3 c shredded coconut (toast it — if you’re feeling competent)

giant spoonful of honey…or two.

old smushed up banana …or two.

combine slowly – do not over mix! If the batter is too thick — pour in some more coconut milk.

Add in a handful of chocolate chips or walnuts or pineapple or whatever you think will make this even more of a taste sensation.

Spoon into greased pan

Top with combination of sugar, cinnamon, and coconut flakes for maximum deliciousness

bake at 375 or 400 for 18-20mins.

TAAAA DAAAAAAH!

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I’m leaving

Alright…if one more person asks me why I’m going to Hawaii I’m gonna strangle all of  y’all. I’m moving to Hawaii because it’s HAWAII. Maybe you’ve heard of it. That Polynesian archipelago is a damn tropical paradise. Yeah – I’ve been there and I know it ain’t all perfect. But I’m pretty stoked for endless summer and decent waves. Have you ever tried to surf on a freezing lake in the pouring rain? (Vancouver ). I love Tofino…but it’s 5 hours away. And it’s all freezing, it’s Canada. Hawaii is the raddest. I feel better there. Who cares what I’m gonna do when I get there?

Surf. Meet some peeps. Explore. Cruise. Relax.

No, I’m not going for a boy or a job. Though my understanding is that both exist on the islands (Approved!).

Long term planning is not exactly my specialty. So why stress? I’m moving to Hawaii because I love it there. I’m not giving up much to do this. I’m single for the first time since I was 14, I don’t own any property, and I’m not engaged in anything I’d consider a career. Sure, I’ll def be lonely and I’ll gonna be hella poor. But I’m already those things. I’m giving up very little for this move and I have even less to lose. Just my little homie, Pancakes. And he’ll be happier staying here, I guarantee.

My life is 30 years in and I’ve got nothing to show for it. Not sure what I was supposed to have done with my life – but I don’t think this was it. This year was a tough one for me. Maybe I can be an example of starting over. Seems right, since life already tends to make an example of me anyway. I’m not worried about what I have to give up to move – my concern lies with what I never had in the first place.

When I get where I’m going (wherever that may be)…..I won’t have to rebuild; I’ll have to start.

This move has me pretty scared, and it feels so good.

And btw – I took that photo. It’s my new backyard. Pretty sick, ain’t it?

–Aloha ‘Oe

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The First Flight

 

As I am waiting at YRV to board my flight there is an announcement that there will be no TVs aboard this flight. The woman across from me promptly throws a hissy fit. She is calmly advised by an attendant to consider purchasing a book before we leave. While the attendant is still speaking the fussy woman begins complaining loudly about the price of books and how difficult they are to read.

Once we are aboard the dude seated in front of me is PISSED to discover there are no power outlets or USB ports on the plane. In the grand scheme of things; this isn’t a huge deal…but what the hell is Westjet doing? Attendants apologize over and over again to the masses of angry travellers and explain that they are waiting for iphone -like technology to come out for the new TVs they are installing in their newer planes. Okay, that makes sense. No one was a huge fan of the Motorola flip phone ‘technology’ Westjet was working with previously. But their solution in the interim is to rent passengers tablets preloaded with movies. Please insert eye roll here. Can Westjet say RIPOFF?

Fortunately for me I have 3 books and Surfing magazine packed in my bag because I actually enjoy reading since I find it both easy and affordable.

Now I really wish I could see the look on the face of the guy in front of me when the attendant tells him they cannot accept cash and he must provide a credit card for the tablet rental. Apparently this guy does not posses a credit card. If I bump into him on the beach I will seriously consider robbing him since he is paying for a Hawaiian vacation with ca$h.

I am so tired I actually fall asleep during the taxi down the runway. No, I did not drink the re-creation before takeoff. But right before I drift off, across the aisle I see a familiar woman gleefully crouched above her rented tablet, a movie glaring in her face with a newly purchased copy of 50 shades of grey discarded by her feet.

Whatever, who needs books or movies when this is the view?

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The re-creation

I’m trying to re-create this amazing drink. Bob Marley’s Mellow Mood. It’s a verrrrrry relaxing iced tea.

I was drinking this great black tea everyday – but it’s a little too sweet for me and it’s also $3 a bottle. Which I think is a lot for something that doesn’t contain any alcohol. I want to keep drinking it because this tea actually works and relaxes me. I was accused of being in a good mood 3 days in a row at work. And if you know me at all – you’ll know that is a freakin miracle. Because working gets me all grouchy and stressed out about nothing and then I’m no fun to work with.

I’m thinking if I’m gonna be spending $3 a day on this tea it’s gonna get costly and I should just figure out how to make it myself. I look into a little and see that the ingredients include black tea, sugar, valerian, lemon balm, chamomile, hops, passionflower, and melatonin. haha. No wonder it relaxes me, it’s practically a sleep aid. I also noticed that it says not to use heavy machinery afterwards and not to drink the tea if pregnant. ummmmmm. Oooooookay. I’ve decided that I’m still going forward with this re-creation project.

I bought all the extracts I needed from Whole Foods to try to make the tea. At least all the ingredients are readily available. I’m already way more successful with my project than the time my friend Louis tried to buy all the stuff from Safeway to make homemade Coca-Cola.

The first issue I encountered was that it was all super expensive. Some quick math made me believe it was worth while, but it still ran me about $60. The second issue is that the amounts of each ingredient in mellow mood are listed in mg and I’m working with ml. It’s sorta tricky to convert milligrams to milliliters because one’s a measure of mass and the other is a measure of volume. And I ain’t no mathematician. I know there will be a few test batches until I get it right.

The first day I made the drink it was really, REALLY wrong. I was so tired I had to drink a bunch of coffee to balance it out. And I was sleepy for two days. FAIL!  But I was really mellow during my work day;  even though it was my 6th day in a row of work. And I did succeed in getting two more people to be my guinea pigs. So I won’t just be testing it out on myself anymore. I also learned that trying to go for a run after taking a bunch of melatonin is really hard and not an effective way to exercise.

I’m working on batch #2 right now. I just wanted to finish writing this blog first, in case the outcome is not exactly the desired one. I will keep ya updated on my progress. When I get it right, I’ll let ya know.

If you wanna learn more about Mellow Mood products and the 1love organization check it out HERE

And if you feel like mellowing out but don’t have any melatonin on hand then: listen to this. Man, I love this song.

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HUSTLE

Not hustle as in making money illegally….but hustle as in HURRY THE EFF UP or you’re gonna miss your flight! This is how I got  all the way down to Florida (5,400 km away) without missing a connection.
I wake up at 4am and drag my butt down to YVR. By the time I get there I have 1 hr 15 until my flight leaves for Houston. That should be plenty of time, except I forgot how busy the airport is in the morning. Stupid United! Why do they schedule all their flights at the same time? By the time I get through the first lineup to check in with the airline there are only TEN MINUTES until boarding and the dude at the counter is telling me I won’t make it. But what does he know? Nothing! Because he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. Time to HUSTLE. I power past everyone trapped in the cloud of confusion that surrounds bag checks and screening lines. I charm my way through all the security checkpoints. Thanks to that driven HUSTLE. I make the flight no prob.
I arrive in Houston and see that my next flight has been delayed by 30 mins. Cool, that will gimme time to eat. I open the menu and laugh at the first thing I see listed: Fried Cheese.
Awwwww America, don’t ever change.
After eating I double check the the flight board and see that my flight is now running TWO hours late…..ummmm that’s gonna make me miss my connection in Atlanta. So I ask for help at the first counter. They put me on a flight that leaves in an hour and bump me up to first class for good measure. Yea, ok. thanks. They tell me it’ll be tight to make the connection in only 45 mins. But I’m confident because it’s an airport – not a trip to freaking Mars. I’ll be my usual: fast, focused, and chalk full of HUSTLE.
Unfortunately, the flight is 30 mins late taking off which would only leave me 15 mins to make my connection. But we have a cocky captain who swears he can shave down our flight time. I don’t stress it. Why would I when there are free drinks in first class? After a couple double vodkas I also start to get cocky. I can make this, no worries. I pre-emptively apologize to the passengers seated around me for pushing them outta my way. We touch down and I have 20 mins to blow through 3 concourses and make my flight to Sarasota. By god I’ll make this. I’m not gonna make Mary drive up 100 miles to pick me up and discover I’d missed my flight. Once that door opens I go hard with the HUSTLE. Not only do I make it – I have time to change clothes (Vancouver to Florida is quite the transition and I know I’ll sweat to death after running in jeans and a cardi) I also have time to snap a pic proving Atlanta still has designated smoking areas in their airport. WTF?
My luggage is another matter. It’ll be a damn miracle if my suitcase also makes it to Florida. Thinking back, I realize it’s unlikely that it ever made it onto my first flight. I hope beyond hope that it does make it because otherwise I’ll have no shoes on this trip. I broke one shoe a little in Vancouver and a lot more in Houston. I guess fashionable metallic moccasins aren’t the best type of footwear for sprinting. Who knew?
After 12 hours of travel I roll into Sarasota only 3 mins behind schedule. DANKKKKKKK.
But as predicted my luggage is nowhere to be seen and won’t show up for another 15 hours. Good thing I’m just going to kick it at the  beach. Who needs clothes for that anyway?
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Errbody loves the post office

For his birthday, my brother really wanted The Ultimate Dividend Playbook by Josh Peters (I know, FUN, right?!). Anyway – I bought him the book and mailed it with this deeeeelightful outcome:

Dear Canada Post Customer Service,

I recently shipped a birthday present via Expresspost. The gift had 3 separate parts all to be sent in the same envelope. Upon receipt of the package one of the items was missing. Since there was no evidence of the package being tampered with – I returned to the postal outlet to see if the missing item had accidentally been left behind (that is; I suspected the postal worker had forgotten to put one of the items into the envelope). I politely explained that an item may have been left behind.

The woman working was extremely discourteous. She wouldn’t even let me explain what had happened before telling me my item was not there. She wouldn’t listen to my description of the item nor did she make any attempt to look for it. I continued by asking her to please look in their lost and found area for missing book. She told me they did not have a lost and found because “we never forget to ship anything”. I’m sorry – but this really isn’t the standing reputation of the post office. She also told me  that if something was missing it was my fault because the postal worker never put the items in the envelope – the customer always does it. This may be the store’s policy – but it is not what happened when I shipped my items.

While I was  filling out the address information on the package the postal worker pushed my hands out of the way and put the items in the envelope to be “more efficient”. Not only did this not end up being more efficient;  it was ill-mannered. If she was selecting a carton of milk at my place of business I would never shove her out of the way to select the milk for her for efficiency’s sake or any other reason.

I am disappointed that the birthday present was lost. I paid almost $30 for the book and I paid $14 to have it shipped. But I feel the bigger issue here is the rude treatment I received. I am appalled at this woman’s lack of customer service skills. And I am curious of the store’s policy of dealing with items left behind. What if I had left my gloves, purse, or wallet behind instead?

The postal outlet I am referring to is:

Canadian Greetings

1014 Robson St, Vancouver, BC, V6E 1B0

604.684.4011

The worker told me her name is Thelma.

The second issue I have is that this is the closest postal outlet to my home and my packages are sent there. I no longer want to have any dealings with this outlet and I am wondering if it is possible to have my mail redirected to the next closest postal outlet.

Thank you for your time.

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Of course I am holding my breath on this one and expecting immediate results.

If you happen across Thelma and she is reading or trying to sell you this book please punch her in the face. Thanks.

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I’m on a Mission

I have been going on and on and on about this at work and it is really stuck in my head. So I’ll get it out of my system here by typing it all down for ya. Starting July 1, 2012 select Whole Foods Market stores are reducing the amount of plastic bags in their produce departments by 90%. By October 2012 all the WFM in the Pacific Northwest will be on board with the initiative.

Why? Because plastic bags are an environmental disaster. They are made from a non-renewable resource (petroleum). So when it’s gone – that’s it. And we shouldn’t be wasting petroleum making single use plastic bags when we could be making much more important things from it …like pacemakers. Plastic bags last for 500-1000 years. How do we know that? I don’t know, I am not a scientist. Most likely the bags will eventually end up  in a gyre. Turtles mistake the bags for delicious jellyfish. And many other sea creatures and birds die every year from getting all tangled up in and/or ingesting our plastic garbage.  Finally, plastic bags are not an item that will be recycled in curbside recycle pickup. WFM has a program to recycle plastic bags – but people do not have access to a soft plastic recycle at their  homes. With this initiative WFM is fully supporting their 5th Core Value (Caring about our community and the environment).

What’s the alternative? Paper bags will be stocked in place of plastic. Paper isn’t the best option – but it is better than plastic since it is compostable and recyclable. Plus, paper bags are aerobic … anaerobic?  Both… whatever. What I am trying to tell you is that paper lets your produce breathe — instead of rotting your leafy greens right away, like plastic bags do. There is also the option of those reusable mesh bags. And you can always bring in your own bag. But the very best option would be not to use a bag at all. I don’t ever take a bag. I just jam everything into my purse. It always works out fine….Oh, except for that one time I bought an ice cream sandwich…that did not work out ideally. But we were talking about produce….so let’s get back on track here.

The objective? To make people think before they just grab for plastic bags that they don’t need. Why do people even use plastic bags for things like oranges? That doesn’t make sense. Oranges, bananas, lemons, limes, grapefruits, etc already come in their own packaging – A PEEL! And people should really rinse their produce before eating it anyhow. That apple was shipped in a dusty box and handled by six hundred other people before you decided to buy it. Putting it in a plastic bag does nothing to help the situation. This ridiculous plastic bag overuse is just people being lazy and not questioning the methods that were put in place while they were growing up.

Why not a complete elimination of plastic? Because we still want plastic bags available for some items. Wet lettuce + paper bags = unhappy outcome. Also, people would LOSE THEIR MINDS! Seriously. What about those old ladies and obsessive compulsive people that wrap every item separately  in a plastic bag? Imagine if we just snatched all plastic bags away from them overnight? They might get all foamy and stroke out. I don’t want that on my conscience. So we will still cater to those crazies a little….for now. Change is hard, it doesn’t have to be. But humans seem to make it their business to throw a pointless fuss over every little thing. So…..plastic is still going to be available. But I’m gonna make you walk all the way across the whole produce department to find it.

We’ve already done this: On Earth Day, 2008 Whole Foods Market eliminated plastic bags at the checkout. We replaced ’em with paper. Sure people were fussy; but it all worked out. Remember when you were growing up and all grocery stores only had paper bags at the checkout? And those ones didn’t even have handles! You had to carry one bag at a time in from the car and it took forever! We are so spoiled now. Sure the paper bags don’t last as well as the plastic – but they don’t need to. We’re only using them to go from the store to the car and from the car to the house. Does that take 500-1000 years? Probably not. Nobody needs a bag to last that long.

Any questions? They can probably be answered by looking at this picture of a gyre. But if the gyre can’t answer your questions, I can.

During the first meeting about this upcoming initiative the only notes I took said: PLASTIC BAGS ARE FOR JERKS! That’s really all you need to know. Bring on the change.

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Also – spend 4 minutes watching this amazing video:  The Majestic Plastic Bag. It is packed with lots of interesting facts. And Jeremy Irons is awesome.

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