“Sick”

Posted on June 17, 2014 by Lynn Bee

Calling in sick and going home early is always weird when pregnant. I’m not actually sick. But it’s well recognized that sometimes I just can’t work. Between the insomnia, my stomach stretching out, the intense heartburn, the pain in my legs, my busted knee, and my loose hip…. it’s become pretty common that I don’t even bother to explain why I’m “sick” anymore.

Here are a few examples:

Me: “I’m supposed to work at 8 today, but I can’t. So…..I’m not going to”.
Boss: “Okay, feel better”.
Me: “Yep, thanks”.

Me: “I’m scheduled for 6 – but I can’t come in… because I actually feel kinda terrible” (laughs).
Boss: “Who…? Oh! Lynn. Yeah, okay.”

Me: “I have to go home. I don’t feel well.”
Boss: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “What? Like 73 different things. Do you really want me to list them all?”
Boss: “Uhhhhh, I guess not.”

Me: (from my position kneeling on the floor) “Can I please go home?”
Boss: “Why, what’s wrong?”
Co-worker: (yelling from across the room) “She’s growing a human being! Let her go home already!”

—

Also, if I am late – they just assume I am not showing up. And that’s pretty much the end of it.

Today I didn’t show up at all or call in. But I dreamt that I discussed with my boss being unable to work… so I guess that counted. As there was no actual follow up.

They probably don’t care because I am on super modified duties and am practically useless at this point.

Remember that episode of the Simpsons when Homer got super fat and had to work from home? His job basically became typing the letter “Y” into his computer over and over again all day long. And he got that fake water drinking bird to do his work for him while he went to the movies…. that is comparable to how much I contribute at work. If they could only find a bird to fold underwear and sort bras; I would be replaced.

Actually the bird would probably be a much better employee than me. Because it wouldn’t distract all its co-workers with a giant belly and informative discussions about producing a human.

Luckily for them – tomorrow is my last day and they can finally replace me with somebody more able-bodied. Though, probably not quite as hilariously delightful.

drinkingbird-1

If you don’t know what the heck I am talking about, Homer-wise. You must immediately stop what you are doing to download and watch The Simpsons season 7, episode 7 “King-Size Homer”.

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Protected: All Points Bulletin: The Fear

Posted on June 7, 2014 by Lynn Bee

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Brownie in a mug

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Lynn Bee

This is a quick and easy recipe to make a single brownie in the microwave (and it’s not even gross!)

This miracle recipe is super fast (5 mins from start to finish), plus, it’s vegan and there will be a grand total of 4> dishes to wash afterwards (including utensils).

WIN.

INGREDIENTS

  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 2 Tbsp cocoa (natural, unsweetened)
  • Pinch of salt
  • Pinch of cinnamon

Mix all this together right in a regular old mug. Make sure there are no big lumps or anything.

  • 1/4 cup water (or milk)
  • 2 Tbsp canola oil or vegetable oil (not EVOO – that will make it gross)
  • 2 drops vanilla extract

Add this into the mug and stir it up with a fork until it’s well combined and smooth.

Microwave for 1 min 40 seconds…. assuming you have a regular microwave (not a hurting micro from 1984 or a super jet fuel powered ultra micro). If you are scared, just zap it for a minute and then check it and add a bit more time, if needed.

Ideally, the brownie should be all cooked and not dried out.

To make it extra delicious add 1 small scoop of ice cream just before serving.

The brownie and mug will be hot as hell so don’t burn your mouth off!

Enjoy!

browniemug

 

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Paws for a Cause

Posted on May 29, 2014 by Lynn Bee

Yep – it’s that time of year again and I am all registered and stoked to raise money walking the old 5km for the SPCA!

Here is a pic of some super cute wild BC bunnies to get you motivated! They are super adorable babies that live right outside my house. Awwwwww!

IMG_3220

******If you are as excited as I am and don’t want to read what I have written below – you can go straight here to make a donation to my BC SPCA Paws for a Cause Walk*******

First off, I would like to give a huge thank you to all my past supporters. This cause means a lot to me and your support over the past 4 years really makes participating in the walk a heck of a lot more fun!

My walk is on September 7th. Yes, I am starting campaigning a little early this year because I will be pretty busy later this summer ;)

Before I go on, here is a little info about the BC branch of the SPCA

official-bc-spca-logo

The purpose of this event is to raise much needed funds for the care and protection of animals across the province of BC. All animals. The BCSPCA helps look after all our furry little friends – including wild and farm animals – because they know all kinds of animals are important.

Established in 1895, the BC SPCA is a not-for-profit organization that receives no government funding and is entirely reliant upon community support. Each year the BC SPCA provides emergency medical care and sheltering for nearly 29,000 animals that may have been abandoned, abused, neglected, or surrendered because their owner is unable or unwilling to care for them any longer. This annual walk funds most of the BC SPCAs operations.

This year, the BC SPCA Paws for a Cause has a particular focus – a walk to fight animal cruelty! The BC SPCA is the only animal welfare agency with the mandate and authority to respond to complaints of animal cruelty in B.C. Last year, the BC SPCA conducted 7,839 new cruelty investigations.

The Paws for a Cause walk helps fund cruelty investigations and, more importantly, helps to prevent cruelty before it occurs through legislation, education, and awareness.

Please support me, and the BC SPCA, by donating today!

Don’t be shy if you can’t afford tons of bucks. Every little bit helps. Even a single dollar will work to educate one student through the “Kindness Counts” curriculum helping to stop the cycle of abuse by teaching empathy.

This organization works hard to streamline its admin and overhead costs. 80%  of the funds raised goes directly towards services for animals. With the other 20% going to admin and revenue development.

Ways you can support the cause:

  • Make a donation to my page! Donations of $20 or more will get a tax receipt.
  • Join the walk! You can register here!
  • If you want to walk but cannot afford the registration fee, you can walk with me!
  • You can volunteer to help out at a walk location near you!

If you can’t afford anything and are too lazy to walk but still want to help out you can:

  • Share my donation page!
  • Spread the word about the walk!
  • Spread the word about the SPCA and the good work they do!
  • Teach people about animal welfare!

Please feel free to hit me up if you have any questions at all! I am a wealth of animal related knowledge ;)

Thank you so much for all your support!

animals

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FWP

Posted on May 26, 2014 by Lynn Bee

Today I am the champion of first world problems. I’m not entirely sure why that is. But I have a feeling I am getting to the point in pregnancy where everything is slightly annoying.

Though I realize first world problem are ridiculous non-problems. I still feel the need to share them as they are hilarious in an ironic sort of sense. But if anyone ever recounted even a single thing like this to me and indicated it was a “problem” I would immediately yell at them and tell them their problems are stupid.

Let’s review:

– we just moved into a new place and even though we are paying for ultra mega laser cutting edge light speed internet – we are stuck with the equivalent of 1996 dial up internet.
– the internet guy can’t come to fix it for 12 days. When I demanded to know why they couldn’t come tomorrow, my boyfriend pointed out it’s probably because we are not the only people on the planet.
He may be right, but I cannot catch up on my Beverly Hills 90210 on Netflix without decent internet. Are Brenda and Dylan going to get back together? Is Andrea pregnant yet? Does Donna’s mom find out she is living with David?!

– I have just discovered our new oven is entirely in Celsius. Either I have to quit baking, or we have to move. Metric is great most of the time, but who ever heard of baking in Celsius? RIDICULOUS NONSENSE!
– I tried to make nachos in the Celsius oven. But I don’t know how much 120 is. Thus, I was scared of burning my delicious nachos and then they turned out weird and not cooked enough.

– the dimmer switch for our bathroom light buzzes.
-all the light and fan switches for our bathrooms are on the outside of the bathrooms. Outside. How dumb is that?! I grew up in a house where one of the bathrooms was like that and I never got used to it. Or got over it. Because let me tell you – your dumbass brother will turn the light off on you at every opportunity.

– we have too many clothes to fit in our dresser.
-we need to go all the way to IKEA to buy an additional dresser.
-I have only budgeted $150 to spend at IKEA. What if I find a crazy lamp or rug that I need in addition to the aforementioned dresser?!

– the delicious dinner I made last night has made the garbage smelly this morning.
-I have to make a trip all the way downstairs and outside just to throw out the smelly trash. Whatever happened to trash shoots?
-The delicious dinner I made last night has also made the air smelly.
-I cannot throw air out. No matter how many trash shoots I have access to.

– I have visitors coming over and my house is messy.
-I am too tired to tidy up my messy house before they get here.

– I can only eat small portions and I want to eat ALL the watermelon that my guests brought over.
-Last time I ate all the watermelon, I threw up.
-Though my morning sickness phase is long over I am still wary of this watermelon conundrum.

– Our screen door has a rip and it’s taped up with duct tape.
-Duct tape is the cheapest looking of all tapes.
-Alas, I know no other way of fixing a screen door.

-Our double balcony stretches from the living to the baby’s room.
-Why doesn’t the double balcony stretch to my room? A balcony is wasted on a baby.

-Our building has a pool. But it’s a sucky outdoor one that is too small to swim laps.
-People’s balcony’s look directly onto the pool area.
-I am now extra fat and I don’t want the balcony people staring at me while I float in the crummy pool.

-Our new washer is too small to wash the comforter for the bed
-Our new dryer is weak and it takes a thousand years to dry a single sock.

– We don’t get any direct sunlight. I’m worried it will make our tropical plants sad.
-We don’t get any direct sunlight and it makes me sad. What will happen if I want to sunbathe?

-This list could go on and on. Aren’t you glad it doesn’t?

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The preg eats

Posted on May 19, 2014 by Lynn Bee

The number one pregnancy related question I encounter is: do you have any weird cravings?

weird-pregnancy-cravings

Sorry to disappoint – but no. I haven’t been eating pickles and ice cream or pepper jelly on pecan pie or anything like that.

I did want to eat ALL the cheese – until I started taking taking calcium supplements. And ALL the gummi bears (probably for the gelatin since I don’t really eat meat). But besides that, nothing out of the ordinary. Of course, I want to eat cake all day long…. but that’s not new. I was always like that.

Cravings tend stem from a lack of something in your diet and I am a pretty well rounded eater. Especially round now…..

Ha!

There are documented cases of people craving (and ingesting) non-food substances during pregnancy…. like clay or drywall. But that would be due to a lack of minerals in the diet (most of these cases are in developing countries).

Yesterday, Ed was making popcorn and double checked with me that it’s okay if I eat salt. I thanked him for making sure it was safe (after making fun of him for a long time). What a thoughtful young man.

But can you imagine having to avoid sodium?! That would be terrible!

At first, it was a little overwhelming learning all the things you aren’t supposed to ingest when knocked up. No tuna sashimi? No 3 cups of caffeine? No sleep aid? No pepto-bismal???

How could one possibly live?!

Well, it turns out you don’t really need pepto and sleep aids when you’re not drinking 3 cups of coffee a day…. I guess I could have figured that out if I would have given it any thought at all.

Luckily, mamas in training are a-ok to eat most things.

The list of things you aren’t supposed to consume during pregnancy may seem super tricky… but it turns out it’s pretty much anything someone on a clean living diet would stick to:

1- No smoking, drinking, or drugs: Well, ok. People aren’t supposed to do any of that stuff anyway.

2- Limited amounts of well cooked meat. Nothing raw: meat, eggs, cheese: A good call for anyone trying to avoid food poisoning.

A preggo is at particularly high risk for foodborne illness because the immune system is altered during pregnancy. Making it harder to fight off certain harmful foodborne microorganisms. Foodborne illness during pregnancy can cause serious health problems, miscarriage, premature delivery, stillbirth or even death of the mother. 

3- Deli Meat: Deli meats have been known to be contaminated with listeria which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning.

Barf. Who would want to eat gross nitrate filled deli meat anyway? No problem there. 

4- No large fish… tuna, shark, swordfish. We should all be concerned about avoiding high levels of mercury. 

Mercury consumed during pregnancy has been linked to developmental delays and brain damage.

5- Limited amounts of sugar and caffeine: Another good tip for all of us to maintain healthy hydration and a good sleep schedule.

My midwife specifically told me not to eat doughnuts every day. And to stick on a max of one caffeinated beverage per day. Caffeine is a diuretic, which can result in water and calcium loss. It is important to guzzle plenty of water rather than caffeinated beverages. Some research shows that large amounts of caffeine are associated with miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight, and withdrawal symptoms in infants. 

6- No garbage medications: sleeping pills, melatonin, pepto bismal, antidepressants, advil, aspirin, …. the list goes on and on. Again, some good advice for people into clean living. As long as you don’t have some serious debilitating mental condition…. you can probably find a suitable replacement that is all natural.

The thing I have probably gotten the most crazy about is washing fruits and veggies. Sure, I already did that. But now I’m washing the outsides of  everything – even if I’m not going to eat it. Like the rind of a cantaloupe or the avocado peel. Because cutting through the food can lead to cross contaimination from whatever was on the outside. And I don’t really trust other people’s washing skills…… so, I probably washed my food a second time when you weren’t looking.

This cleaner diet is working out pretty good. But all this safe eating also means no more shady restaurants and tacos from the back of a van. Sadness.

All in all, a pregnant diet isn’t that hard. It’s basically what I should have been doing all along.

But I really miss tuna sashimi.

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Protected: Blended families

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Lynn Bee

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Are you sick of this yet?

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Lynn Bee

Some people keep asking me for updates on how goes the Pepsi growing. I’m sorta surprised. Maybe it’s because it’s all I ever talk about and I assume you are all as sick of it as I am.

Well, for those of you who aren’t tired of hearing about it…. this one’s for you!

I’m at 30 weeks. What does that mean? Well, I’m in the home stretch with only 10 weeks to go. But it’s also the time where everything sort of starts to suck. As my friend said ” it’s just getting more and more broken every day from now on”. That’s pretty accurate.

As soon as I hit 7 months my stomach muscles separated in a weird way they weren’t supposed to. Which means I can no longer elegantly get up from sitting or lying down. It’s a lot of shuffling and rolling and trying not to use my stomach or back muscles. It makes me feel both extremely graceful and lady-like.

The muscle thing doesn’t exactly hurt. Sometimes it makes my stomach sore, but the worry is that I’ll use all the wrong muscles and wear my back out. Plus, when I do move the wrong way my broken stomach muscles pop out and it fully disgusts me (picture alien popping out of abdomen circa Alien 1979).

At the same time my flimsy old lady knee decided I was entirely too fat and decided to start acting up. That wasn’t a huge surprise. Gaining 40 lbs in 7 months will do that to joints. And we can also add busted hips to the list of failing joints.

I am rapidly becoming exhausted and annoyed by everything. A 20 minute walk is a huge endeavour. It’s a struggle to work even 5 hour days. I feel useless at work and like a totally lame-o for asking someone to give me their seat on the skytrain.

I don’t ever want to be carrying anything. When did an empty purse and a sweater get way too heavy to carry? Which means no more grocery shopping. Sadness. Grocery shopping is one of my favourite outings.

No, seriously. I used to do it every other day and I really enjoy it.

What else is going on?

A couple months ago I was worried Pepsi wasn’t moving around enough. Now he is freaking out at all times. He wakes me up at 5 to practice his karate moves and seems to be trying to rearrange my stomach at all times. He doesn’t seem to know there isn’t anywhere to go and all his stretching and wiggling is for naught. However, I now can not only feel his moving, I can see it. The way he disfigures my stomach is kinda gross and I try not to look at it – but it’s also hypnotizing. Like watching a lava lamp.

Also people just keep making more and more unwanted comments: Yes, I know I’m pregnant. Of course I’m tired. Yes, my feet hurt. No, I’m not due “any day now”. No, I don’t want to go for drinks. Yes, I can still walk. No, I won’t name my baby after you. Yes, I’m still working.

The number of people shocked that I am still working is bizarre. Do they think having a baby is free and I can just stop working willy-nilly whenever I want?
La-de-dah! I’m tired today. Think I’ll quit my job and rely on Santa Claus to pay my rent.

Okay, I did call in sick today. But that’s only because my entire left leg is throbbing from hip to foot and there is no way I am going to be walking anywhere, even at home.

The 4 hours of sleep I got didn’t help too much.

I’m not exactly sure why I can’t sleep. Insomnia during pregnancy is extremely common, so I’m not surprised. It seems to be due to a combination of factors: hormones, stress, heartburn, pain, leg cramps, needing to pee…. so, let’s just categorize it as general uncomfortableness.The little bit of sleep I do get is good – but then I’m super wide awake after only a few hours.

The good news is that I am still fairly healthy. I didn’t develop gestational diabetes, which is very common. Pepsi is strong and wiggly. My heartburn is starting to calm down. And that nose bleed I had for the past 5 months seems to be gone.

But I am still stressed out by… everything. We have a lot to do in the next couple months to get ready for this little wiggle baby. And that includes having a baby shower.

I swear I am trying to get around to planning that. And yes, you will be invited. So far my wish list includes a nursing pillow and a left leg transplant….

But I do have an actual registry I’m working on. You can check it out on the Babies R us Canadian site….as long as you remember that my city is now Richmond :P

 

baby size chart

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The right field

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Lynn Bee

I had a referral from my doctor, and, as is common for referrals – I had zero information about the organization or the services they provide. So, I had some general questions about their services and what I was in for.

I’m not much for referrals or doctors appointments, but I decided to give them a call to get some of my questions answered and set up an appointment.

However, the woman answering the phone was slightly less than helpful.

I told her this was an initial visit, she informed me that the next available appointment wasn’t until June 4th. I said that would be totally fine, and she told me they would call me the day before as a reminder.

Then, before I could get a word in, she abruptly hung up on me.

It was not a mistake, we were not disconnected, there was nothing wrong with the line. She hung up. So, I had no information about their services. I don’t know the time of my appointment. Nor do I  know the location of their offices.

Now, I’m not in desperate need of their services, nor am I what you would call a fragile person. But she was so rude and unhelpful that I don’t even want to use the referral to go to them for help with my problem.

And what is the referral for you ask? Why, it is for pregnancy and mental health, of course! I had to stop taking my medication when I got knocked up and I am considered a high risk for post-partum depression.

This jerky lady works in a specialized field of mental health! And I’m sure some of the women referred to their offices are in desperate need of their services or would consider this to be a last resort. However, this woman is totally off putting. And it makes me nervous that she is the “face” of this organization as she is the first person people will interact with when they reach out for help.

And I know you are thinking “well, Lynn you can be sort of…. intense. Are you sure it wasn’t you being the jerk?”

Yes, I’m sure. Because my doctor asked if I ever called that place and then she asked if they were mean to me.  So, it seems like they have a bit of a reputation.

I hope this woman (Kim. Was it Kim? I think her name was Kim….) realizes she is miserable at her job and switches to another field before she really does some damage. If she wants to remain in a health and well being related position…. maybe prision doctor? I think she would be better at that.

…..I think I’ll be better off if I just get some B complex and skip my appointment.

 

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How white is white?

Posted on May 2, 2014 by Lynn Bee

Pepsi still needs a middle name and my mom is pushing for an anglo name. I’m not exactly sure why, but she wants to make sure Pepsi doesn’t forget about his white heritage. I don’t see how he could since he will see his white mom every day. And also … why is our white heritage so great?

But, don’t get me started on that!

Everything else aside, I think white boy names are the worst! All I can think of is total loser names like Barry and Kiefer, and who wants to name their super cute baby a super stupid name like that?

Then I began trying to think of the whitest names of all time.

So far, I’ve got:

Walter
Orville
Lester
Ian
Potato
Alfred
Stanley
Humphrey
Winston

Do you have any names that I could add to my list? Or a favourite? So far, I am pretty partial to Potato. Nothing’s whiter than a healthy love of potatoes.

Now this is getting kinda fun. But don’t tell my mom. She had her chance, and she named 3 super cute babies super boring white names. So, I won’t be listening to any of her suggestions.

But, I’m open to yours!

Potatoes

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