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Meta
Optical
My friend recently got a job at Clearly Contacts which got me jealous thinking about all the cool frames she would be getting on the cheap.
Then I remembered Clearly Contacts is pretty cheap to begin with and they have great deals all the time. So instead of being jealous, I could just buy myself some spiffy new frames!
I first needed to get an eye exam as I hadn’t had one for a few years and my prescription had probably changed.
The exam actually went quite well. They didn’t use those damn dilating drops that blur your vision for hours and I didn’t really need a new prescription because my vision was pretty much the same.
However, the optometrist told me I might need laser eye surgery and referred me to a specialist.
BOOOOOO! What a suck-o outcome to what I assumed was going to be a routine exam.
Apparently, the tiny holes in my eyes that the fluid drains out of are extra small. And they only shrink as we age.
So, theoretically, in 2…5…10 years my tiny eye holes (actually called Trabecular Meshwork) will get so small they will close up and then the fluid won’t be able to drain and the pressure inside my eye will build.
That’s how glaucoma happens.
I know you are all thinking “Glaucoma! Awesome! You can totally smoke weed all day!”.
I probably could.
And I would have to.
Smoking pot only lessens the pressure in the eye for a couple hours, so I would have to be smoking pot all day long to maintain the necessary effects.
Weed isn’t even really recommended to treat glaucoma any more.
Unless your doctor’s a quack.
And that type of treatment is for when you already have glaucoma and are trying to prevent any further damage to the eye.
Currently, my eyes are just fine. The reason for this particular surgery is to prevent glaucoma by making the holes in the meshwork bigger so the fluid can continue to drain properly.
And though this is a totally minor surgery that takes approximately 15 seconds, it still makes me very uncomfortable to think about it.
I was brought up thinking lasers weren’t supposed to be aimed into your eyes.
Hopefully, the specialist will determine my eyes are just fine and the optometrist who referred me was mistaken.
I’ll find out in February.
Until then, damn you, Jaclyn for getting a job at Clearly Contacts.
I am blaming this whole fiasco on you.

Anyway – I assume the whole thing will go something like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSk1-F0ahg4
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged clearly contacts, eye, eyes, glasses, glaucoma, laser eye surgery, optometry, vision
3 Comments
The Winter Warmth
This morning a young guy hopped into the elevator with me. He was wearing simply a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top. Seeing as how it was only about 30 degrees outside today, I probably gave him one heck of a bizarre look.
He responded to the look by asking me excitedly if the sauna here was any good.
I tried to hide my revulsion and distain as I replied that I hadn’t actually tried it out.
He was shocked, SHOCKED that I hadn’t tried the sauna yet.
I gave him another look, this time it was one usually reserved for calming the mentally ill, and cheerfully told him to enjoy.
Young people are so naive.
First of all, I didn’t even know this building had a sauna.
Second of all, I was with my infant son in the elevator.
This mean several things that all generally beyond the realm of comprehension by young people:
-If you have an infant, it is with you 99% of the time. This means you probably aren’t spending your 1% of free time sitting around in saunas.
And I don’t think it is advised that you bring the baby into the sauna with you.
And I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for me to leave my little baby at home alone while I pop out to the sauna.
Finally, I didn’t want to ruin this young guy’s joie de vivre, but I am quite certain the sauna in our building totally sucks. Even if I had known of it’s existence, and didn’t have a baby, I would never actually set foot in it.
Because we don’t live in some plush country club or health spa.
We live here, in a crummy, dirty, drafty, old apartment building:

So it is doubtful that our sauna is top of the line.
Or well sealed.
Or clean.
I just hope that high spirited young fella didn’t catch some weird disease.
Posted in tips
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The Cut
Congratulations are in order because I got around to getting a haircut after almost 2 years.
I finally caved because my hair looked like hell and I have a little baby that likes to:
a) barf in my hair
b) pull on my hair
Also
c) it’s the post-pregnancy time when all my hair is falling out anyway. Gross.
I made an appointment at a fancy studio that gets good reviews and that many of my friends have gone to with great result.
The stylist was sweet, friendly, and kind.
However, this haircut simply re-affirmed why I haven’t gotten a haircut for so long.
As she examined my hair I told her I was looking to keep as much of the length as possible and that I wanted it thinned out by putting in a lot of chunky layers. Getting layers will keep the front short, so less barf and hair pulling. But the long bits will ensure I continue to resemble a girl. And I will still be able to tie it back when I’m working out.
Perfect!
I also told her to go ahead and make it all weird and funky if she wanted to.
Sounds like a good plan, right?
Sure, it would have been, if she’d stuck to the plan.
Except she decided not to listen to anything I said and instead just went ahead and gave me the most boring haircut on planet Earth. No layers, no nothing. She just chopped off the bottom foot of my hair.
I could have done that myself.
Now, after TWO hours and $130- I have ended up with a crummy 90’s soccer mom haircut that I could have gotten for $14 at a GreatClips or $17 at SuperCuts or for free in my bathroom.
It’s too short to tie up and it’s just long enough to always be in my mouth.
Normally I would be super pissed, but she popped out to get me a coconut cream danish while I was in the restroom. It’s hard to stay mad at someone like that.
But my cut doesn’t suit me at all. I feel like I should be hosting Wake Up San Fransisco alongside Danny Tanner. Or writing a mommy blog about potty training.
And no. I do not want to post a picture. But it’s basically this:

Except not blonde or sleek and fancy because I don’t have a pro stylist at my house and my hair flips out weirdly at the bottom.
So I guess it actually looks more like this:

I think I just have bad luck with hairdressers. Remember this hilarious disaster? ‘Cause I sure do!
http://tastyturntable.com/2012/06/17/chemical-addiction/
Good thing hair grows out fast. In about a year and a half it should be back to just how I like it.
Long, unruly, and in a perpetual ponytail.
I can’t wait.